Choking

The last breaths expire from my lungs

I can feel the pain easing

I welcome the release

It's been a long, slow death

I tried but failed in life

Failure became my companion

I was too sad for this world

But now the suffering is ending

So many times I've been close to this but unable to close the deal

I'm afraid for my children and yet cannot see them watch me broken anymore

I'm so broken that many of the pieces are missing which is why it's too much to put them back together

I've longed for release from the pain

Longed for something to make it all stop but nothing nothing nothing has worked

The failure in my life is so painful I can't breath

So my last few breaths are welcome because they mark the end of days

The end of all which prolongs this agony which they call life.

Tighten your grip and don't let go til the air is gone.

Goodbye all. Thx for nothing

Pride

Heavy accent
Proud and strong
Sunken eyes pulled from behind by sadness
Aching heart,
Resignation

Grandparents and parents torn from their home
Beaten
Broken
Burnt
Survivors of horrors beyond our imagination

Now in a foreign land
Poor
Belittled
Resented
But proud, strong, alive

Intelligent, knowing
Kind and true
Observing the indigenous with raised eyebrows
Weighty sigh

This oozing integrity touches my soul
A connection is made
I will not forget
Respect

A window into their lives:-

A window into their lives:-

We are invited yet not wanted
Welcomed yet feared
Needed but resented
Our visits are unprepared for
Our presence demanded in desperation

Unshaven legs, dirty laundry
Dishes left out, bodies unwashed
Excuses made, apologies and explanations
It's all irrelevant

What happened here?
What's your story?

Tears and despair,
The true face of fear
worlds turned upside down
Lovers torn apart
Families strewn to the winds

Doors slam shut and fingers are crossed
Throats choke with lumps
Lips are stiffened
Everybody waits....,,,

Herstory - Crack of the Whip

Crack of the whip, and we jump,
That leather snake cuts deep into our skin
Each scar a testimony to our suffering

My momma's been sold to another family now,
When we kiss goodbye , we both know it's the last time we will see each other. I watch her walk away until she becomes a dot...
I'm only 9, and afraid about what's to come.
I know it's bad, just what level of bad.....

My best friend is my owners daughter, Emily
We is like sisters, we play together every day,
But I can't eat with her, I eat in the barn with the animals-
"Where I belong"
Deep in my heart I feel a pain,
A sense of impending doom...

Next morning a stranger comes to the house
I'm pulled from my chores
Pushed onto a box to stand
like a steer at market he peruses me
The purchase is made
Emily is standing at the window her hand pressed hard against it
I break free and run to her
But our silent tears spill with resignation

Crack of the whip, and we jump.

Saudade

In my Mind's eye I still see you
Your head thrown back
A huge belly fueled laugh
Tumbling from your mouth
But my physical eyes capture the reality
You are gone
I'm left with saudade
Lost, and yearning for one last chance to chat, to giggle, to weep together
Your physical self is now dust
Taken on winds to far away places
Scattered in corners unreachable.
You've been gone a year now,
And still it does not make sense
The why's continue, as does the pain,
But gone you are
Life around continues a little bruised
And we learn, some wounds never heal,
You just get used to the pain
'tenho saudades tuas

Truth and Love

I watch myself twist and twirl
Spinning downwards
I cannot stop
I cannot save myself
The thin skin given to me at birth
Has not toughened with age
Scars have not leathered my wounds
Instead I am more vulnerable than ever

Nerves heightened as lies lash reality
It hurts.......I hurt
Truth is irrelevant. I limp away, broken.
I am defeated, I lost and have to face it.
My fears and suspicions are realised
Manipulators lord their victory
Bridges are burnt
We, I, stand alone - isolated.

And yet,

Still my heart beats, still my brain thinks.
Still my being loves, and is loved.
I am broken but not gone
All my pieces are within reach
Love and truth will adhere them bit by bit
Because Truth is not irrelevant to me
It matters, I matter, We matter

Small minds?

Idyllic, quaint and peaceful
Everyone with a unique but equal role
All connected, needing each other
Reliant on one another
Generations mediating in times of disagreement
Egos slapped back into place
Bad behaviour challenged there and then,
Smooth waters softening the edges of conflict til over time they cannot be seen
Everyone wants to piece of this, a place within it
Join in, fit in, complement the ways.

Then they arrive and they have what is needed, to fill in the gaps
Bridge the gaps,
Concrete over the gaps! Hell concrete over all
They have SO much to offer
SO much experience of the 'real 'world to impart on these poor simple creatures living in the dark
What this peaceful place needs is progress, with them at the helm
Driving it forward

We observe and sigh
With a knowing eye we wait and watch
Wait for the egos to collide
And collide they do
Collision is inevitable
Fire and brimstone, hot air and points missed
Then they flee citing ignorance
Lack of vision and wrongdoing
We pick up the pieces
Sweep up the settling dust
Give a nod to our neighbour
And get on with our lives